I.. Don't.. Know... Ouch.

Oh. Okay. Now I get it. It's fine really. A good thing. I just... my head hurts.
And my stomach.
And the general torso area.
To be exact, the spot just below my heart feels numb.
My head is a slow, dull ache.
My stomach has a little knot at the bottom.
It's like I'm sick, too.

I feel really small. Like a tiny little soul trapped in a body made of blunt sarcasm and a spiky disposition. My body is telling me to be mad. And sad.
Now my nose is tingling. And my eyes are starting to prickle. But I'm biting my lip because I have family members home. And I hate when people see me unhappy.

Today started out so well.
Earlier today, the boy I loved loved me back.
He thought about me as much as I thought about him.
Even my classes all went great.

But tonight, some time around who-knows-when.
The boy I loved didn't feel at all the same way.
He didn't want to talk to me.
He doesn't want to see me anymore.
The stories he told about me all the time, were just stories.
He was probably mocking me anyways.
Like everyone one else who thinks I'm stupid.
Like everyone else who thinks I'm just cheap entertainment.
And I lost a friend who could've become really close, if I wasn't in love with him.

I just wasted a year of my life.
If only it could've meant something at all.

WHY COULDN'T HE LOVE ME BACK? WHY NOT?

Crap, let the waterworks begin.

WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN AT ALL? WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT NECESSARY?

I have no idea.

I think...

I don't know what I think.

Or feel.