I.. Don't.. Know... Ouch.

Oh. Okay. Now I get it. It's fine really. A good thing. I just... my head hurts.
And my stomach.
And the general torso area.
To be exact, the spot just below my heart feels numb.
My head is a slow, dull ache.
My stomach has a little knot at the bottom.
It's like I'm sick, too.

I feel really small. Like a tiny little soul trapped in a body made of blunt sarcasm and a spiky disposition. My body is telling me to be mad. And sad.
Now my nose is tingling. And my eyes are starting to prickle. But I'm biting my lip because I have family members home. And I hate when people see me unhappy.

Today started out so well.
Earlier today, the boy I loved loved me back.
He thought about me as much as I thought about him.
Even my classes all went great.

But tonight, some time around who-knows-when.
The boy I loved didn't feel at all the same way.
He didn't want to talk to me.
He doesn't want to see me anymore.
The stories he told about me all the time, were just stories.
He was probably mocking me anyways.
Like everyone one else who thinks I'm stupid.
Like everyone else who thinks I'm just cheap entertainment.
And I lost a friend who could've become really close, if I wasn't in love with him.

I just wasted a year of my life.
If only it could've meant something at all.

WHY COULDN'T HE LOVE ME BACK? WHY NOT?

Crap, let the waterworks begin.

WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN AT ALL? WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT NECESSARY?

I have no idea.

I think...

I don't know what I think.

Or feel.

Whoever you are.

I don't know who you are.
I don't know if I've met you yet, or if I'll meet you when I'm 90.
I don't know if you sit behind me in math, or if you always watch me walk past in the hallways.
I don't know if you go to O.T., or White Oaks, or if you've already dropped out of school.
I don't know if you're in university, or if you're just starting kindergarten.
I don't know if you have blond hair, brown hair, red hair, or blue hair.
I don't know if you have two eyes or three.
I don't know if you live in Oakville, or Mississauga, or if you live in Hong Kong.
I don't know if your name is Fred, or Stan, or Vladismir.
I don't know if you're a super serious catholic, or if you're an atheist.
I don't know if you're black or white.
I don't know if you love the arts, or if you're a complete science geek.
I don't know if you're homeless or if you live in a mansion.
I don't know if I've ever passed you on the street before.

I know one thing though.
And that is; you had better love me.