I.. Don't.. Know... Ouch.

Oh. Okay. Now I get it. It's fine really. A good thing. I just... my head hurts.
And my stomach.
And the general torso area.
To be exact, the spot just below my heart feels numb.
My head is a slow, dull ache.
My stomach has a little knot at the bottom.
It's like I'm sick, too.

I feel really small. Like a tiny little soul trapped in a body made of blunt sarcasm and a spiky disposition. My body is telling me to be mad. And sad.
Now my nose is tingling. And my eyes are starting to prickle. But I'm biting my lip because I have family members home. And I hate when people see me unhappy.

Today started out so well.
Earlier today, the boy I loved loved me back.
He thought about me as much as I thought about him.
Even my classes all went great.

But tonight, some time around who-knows-when.
The boy I loved didn't feel at all the same way.
He didn't want to talk to me.
He doesn't want to see me anymore.
The stories he told about me all the time, were just stories.
He was probably mocking me anyways.
Like everyone one else who thinks I'm stupid.
Like everyone else who thinks I'm just cheap entertainment.
And I lost a friend who could've become really close, if I wasn't in love with him.

I just wasted a year of my life.
If only it could've meant something at all.

WHY COULDN'T HE LOVE ME BACK? WHY NOT?

Crap, let the waterworks begin.

WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN AT ALL? WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT NECESSARY?

I have no idea.

I think...

I don't know what I think.

Or feel.

You. Suck.

WELL THEN.

I guess I know how things stand between us now, huh.

I don't give a shit if you talk about me all the time. I don't give a shit if people say it seems like you're obsessed with me. I don't give a shit about all the good times and the sweet things you've done. I'm tired of pulling all the weight here, and I'm tired of being ignored. I AM A PERSON. WHO HAS FEELINGS. I AM NOT AN OBJECT THAT YOU CAN PLAY WITH ONE MINUTE AND DISCARD THE NEXT. And I'm through with being treated like one, you disgusting little skinny freak. I don't CARE if I still love you inside, because even THAT isn't enough to make me not hate you for the kind of person you've turned in to. Maybe you were always like this, but I'm glad I've seen the light now, that you've deemed me WORTHY of your all mighty ass-holeness.

FUCK YOU, JL.

FUCK YOU.