Negativity

I'm not sure if I ever want to be happy ever again.
I want to just go back to the old, quiet, me.
I don't want to love like that anymore, because I don't want to believe that anything could ever be good again.
Because I believe that if I do the same thing will happen.
I think I'll revert to that version.
It's not the real-me version of Andrea, but at least that version never got hurt.
That version didn't love life, wasn't optimistic, that version was just neutral and gray.
And that version wasn't the real-me version.
But the real-me version has too much of a heart to survive in this day and age.
The real-me would have loved it and understood it, would have been happy and bubbly and excited.
This version will just sit here and pretend to laugh and be happy.
She wont understand the beauty of life like the old one did.

But I'm not sure I want to be the real-me right now.
Maybe again someday.
When I feel like forgiving life.

Don't go calling me a bitch now, thanks.
I'm allowed to be sad in heaven.