A Story

I remember looking over the edge off the cliff. I was standing a bit too far back to properly see what was under it and how big the fall was. I'd walked up closer to the edge before, but I'd always sort of given up halfway there and turned back. We were all standing around somewhere at the top. And then the brave ones started to move closer and closer to the edge, until they either jumped off as fast as they could, or gradually eased themselves over the sides. Soon there were fewer and fewer people standing with me. "It's okay," they said, "we don't want to jump either, we're safe up here, you can stay with us." But I remember they were wrong and I had always wanted to know what it would be like off the edge, and all I wanted to do was run and jump off, but I couldn't do it because I was so scared, and I thought that I was supposed to be like all the stay-behinders and that that was who I was supposed to be like. But then I heard him calling to me from over the edge, and I'd never heard anyone calling to me from over there before. It was so new and different and exciting, and I felt like that was what I was and what I should be, and that the voice was exactly who I was and what I wanted. And I looked back at the stay-behinders and they looked at me and couldn't understand how I would want to go with the voice, because it was so unlike everyone else and so unique, and no one else thought it sounded very nice at all. But I remember how it didn't matter anymore and so I ran as fast as I could and sprinted towards the edge and I was so excited for what would come next because I was so happy. But I miscalculated my footing and instead of jumping off I slipped slighty andd started to panick. I tried to get my footing back and stay on the cliff but all I could do was grab on to the edge with one hand. I was dangling there, half-holding on blowing in the wind. And I heard the stay-behinders telling me to come back, saying that I wasn't allowed to hang in between, I had to pick. They said if I let go now I would only get hurt, because I was too close to the cliff to be picked up safely. But I could still hear the voice and it was calling to me even more now and I wanted to let go so badly, and it told me it would catch me no matter what, and that my friends would help me, but even thinking about it made me scared. And then I heard someone else come up to the edge of the cliff, and I looked and saw some of the stay-behinders and they were really mad at me. They said, "We're tired of your indesicion, you're not allowed to be in the middle!" And then one of them raised their foot and stepped down on my fingers with a big crunch and forced me to let go. At first the fall was amazing, and I'll always remember how exhilerating it was, how wonderful it felt to go after the voice finally and for a minute I even thought he would reach down and sweep me up. But the wind changed and the voice still sounded beutiful but it was harsh and angry, and I flipped in the air and hit my head against the rocks. I kept banging into them, bouncing against the side of the cliff, leaving small pieces of myself behind. And then I blacked out. I opened my eyes and I was at the very bottom of the cliff, looking up at the biggest flight of stairs I had ever seen. There was someone down there with me, but I couldn't tell who it was. They told me I had to climb back to the top and either stay there or keep trying again. I was crying because I didn't want to go all the way back to the top, it looked really hard, and I definately didn't want to jump again. But the person told me I'd be okay, and that the climb was a lot easier near the end. I asked them about all the little pieces of me stuck to the side of the cliff, but the person shook their head sadly and said no, I'd have to pick those up on my way down next time, if I ever felt like jumping again. And then the person left me alone at the bottom of the cliff. I sat there for a while, before half heartedly starting to walk up the stairs. It was harder than anything, but I wanted to keep going because I knew it would get easier. I passed by all my little pieces that had gotten stuck, and I looked at them all so I remembered which ones they were. And the mysterious person was right, it did get easier as I climbed, but I still looked back sometimes because I thought I could hear the voice calling me back very faintly, and even though sometimes I slipped, I kept going even if it was so slowly no one could tell. And now I'm standing back on the top of the cliff. An I'm still missing the little bits of me I lost on my first jump, but if I ever bring up the courage I think I might try and go get them.