Hello?

Could you please atleast TRY and pretend to be a nice person? Can you ATTEMPT to care about what I'm saying? Or are you too wrapped up in your little self-obsessed world to even care about anyone other than yourself? I'm trying here, I really am. I'm trying to SHOW you how to be thoughtful. I'm caring about what your saying, and helping you and listening, trying to get you to realise how you should be towards me. Especially after everything I've done for you, but you've forgotten all about. Can you please try and realise that you're not supposed to treat me like she treats you?

UGH sometimes I really, really HATE you. You have no idea at all, do you? You have NO CLUE. Sometimes when I'm mad, instead of showing you how you should be, I show you how you are right now. And I can TELL it pisses you off. You get mad at me for showing you what you're like. And you're REFUSING to look at yourself and see what you're doing. Maybe you're not eve that selfish, maybe you honestly don't know what you're doing. In that case, isn't it practically my DUTY to tell you? But I CAN'T DO THAT, OKAY? I CAN'T. Because for some reason I CARE about you and love you and I don't think you'd understand, and I think you would HATE me. And for some reason, I don't want to lose you, okay? So I'm not going to tell you. Which I guess makes me selfish, too, for choosing to keep you, and let you continue on this way.

Maybe we're all selfish, and there's something wrong with ME, for being compassionate and for CARING about you, even when I try and pretend I don't. For agreeing with you when you make me feel SO BAD about myself that I just want to go curl up and sob. When you make me feel that way, I say, "Of course," and "Yes, you're probably right," or I blow it off. Because if I burst into tears, you would blow me off, and if I defended myself, you would just put me down even more.

WHY am I always loving the people who hardly care about me at all? You obviously don't.


Now I wish I could say that to your face.