Saturday, September 20, 2008

I don't want to be such a downer, but...

I HATE being negative. I HATE being sad. I HATE wanting to spill my problems out to someone, because I don' t want them to feel sad too. I'm afraid of making people unhappy.

I want to be me the way I'm supposed to be.
I want to be who I am.
And I'm starting to think that I actually know who I am, but that my real problem is actually achieving that.

Andrea is happy and optimistic, she loves life and loves everyone. She has trouble being sad for too long, because she's more hopeful than anyone she's ever known. She's bubbly and fun and exciting. She's talkative and laughs all day. But she's no airhead. She's smart and philosophical and likes to think.

But I'm not Andrea, because I'm sad, and depressed and melancholy. I haven't been outside for two days. I feel like crap and I look like crap and I can't work up the energy to do anything.

I hate myself, and I'm jealous of Andrea.

2 comments:

EverythingEventuallyDeviates said...

I've always thought the hard part about growing up wasn't discovering yourself...it was learning to love who you were discovering.

Andrea said...

Heheh, and that's why you're a genius. ;)