Jumping

What happened?

What I would give to go back and show them.

I've changed, and you know what, it's for the better.

I don't care if I'm too in the middle.

And in the least comfortable sense of the word.

I fluctuate.

I'm too innocent. Too daring. Too loud, too shy.

Too smart and too silly. Too square and too different.

Just because I'm everything at the wrong time,

Doesn't mean that it's the wrong time for me.

And if I'm travelling on a different channel,

Well then, I'm the lucky one. 

I don't know anyone who loves this world more than I do.

And I wish I knew when it was I started thinking.

I want to know when I woke up.

It cant've been that day in the mirror, 

But I'm thinking it's possible.

As horrible that change was,

In to the scared disoriented thing that I was.

And I wish I could back and un-grow up,

As childish as I seem right now.

I made a mistake that year, I think,

But I think that was the worse, and I didn't even notice.

I want to go back and say, "Ha!"

Look at me everyone.

I'm somewhere happy and successful and loved.

I just noticed a bit later than everyone else.

And a bit sooner than some.

You guys, wake up soon, you have it good.

This just means I'll appreciate it more than I ever have.

I want to show how much I love this world,

Because I never noticed before,

How beautiful it is to be alive.

And how beautiful it is to be living.

Leaning

There's a seesaw bolted to the ground at the park.

And it stands there forever, watching kids come and play on it and ride it,

Tilting up and down and swinging back and forth.

Always either one way or another, it's never balanced.

But everyone knows that tomorrow it'll still be there.

'Cause it's bolted to the ground.

And it'll be there to support you forever, no matter how much it's tilted.

dismissed broken promises

You don't know how tempting you are.

With you're smooth skin and happy eyes and flippy hair.

And your smile and jokes.

You don't understand at all how you're like a precious artifact in a museum.

I know I shouldn't touch you, I'm not allowed to get too close.

You don't know how hard I'm trying to keep my hands from trying to snatch you.

I remember the alarms going off and the bars coming down on my fingers last time.

I can't explain to you how I seem to forget about it when I see you.

I'm breaking all the promises I made to myself.

Again

Oh no.

It's the feeling of being terrified and ecstatic at the same time.

Scarier than being singled out in front of everyone, scarier than the centre of the circle.

Worst nightmares and wildest dreams.

Though it's mainly just suffering.

How can you force me to go through this?

To wrap my arms around him tight and not let go.

To put my hand on his bare chest and feel his heartbeat.

To smile when he smiles at me and laugh when he laughs.

It's just the same old situation, but just a lot more amazing and inconvenient at the same time.

And I don't want to stop.

*Shakes Self*

Come on, listen to this sad song.

Listen to this epic one?

Well fine then, go read your wall-to-wall with him.

God this is annoying, go read the old blog posts!

Remember that one time?

In the stair well?

The music concert!?

What the hell.

Have you just, forgotten how to FEEL?

Don't answer that, I know you don't care.

Things that make life special. To be continued.

Love. Hugs. People. Friends. Learning. Ice Cream. Books. Baths. Chocolate. Showers. Shampoo. Technology. Perfume. Cats. Dags. Animals. Shopping. Walking. Seeing. Ageing. Playing. Sports. Being good at things. Working on hard things. Teams. Spaghetti. Going somewhere. Rain. Leaves. Glass. Staying in. Movies. Advice. Nail polish. Upgrades. Hair. Communicating. Advancing. Taking pictures. Drawing pictures. Making pictures. Family. Clouds. Water. Trees. The Sun. Not knowing things. Snow. Seasons. Freedom. Choices. 

To be continued.

Smiles

Sometimes when I'm alone and not paying attention,

I find myself to be happy.

And I know it's probably the moods swinging,

But I'm thinking:

Maybe being happy isn't so bad after all,

And maybe I should be properly happy more often.

Scrabbling, hanging, gripping on to the edge of the cliff. Trying to get higher, but there's something in the way.

Been given something, but it's locked up tight and she knows that only what's inside will help her to the top.

Scraping and banging and trying to pry it open with bloody fingernails because whatever it is she knows that it's in there.

Shut up.

EEEW.

Self-pity is REVOLTING.

Injustice

Hoooow is calling a fat person fat, worse than calling a skinny person anorexic?

Fed Up

You can only go so long being under appreciated, ignored and used before you get pissed and want to abandon someone.

The saddest part however is when they don't notice every time you do.

Ungodly Hour – The Fray

Don't talk, don't say a thing 
Cause your eyes they tell me more than your words 
Don't go, don't leave me now 
Cause they say the best way out is through 

And I am short on words knowing what's occurred 
She begins to leave because of me 

Her bag is now much heavier 
I wish that I could carry her 
But this is our ungodly hour 

I know you're leaving now 
Cause I held on to my way tightly 
Stay still until you know 
Tomorrow finds the best way out is through 

And I am short on words knowing what's occurred 
She begins to leave because of me 

Her bag is now much heavier 
I wish that I could carry her 
But this is our ungodly hour 

Begging

Come back, please, promise me you wont go.

Don't leave me alone again.

I'll promise you not to fall in love, just like I promised myself.

Just stick around here for a while longer.

You don't even have to get to know me if you don't want to.

Just stand where I can see you.

Just shed a bit more light on me, before you leave with him.

Sometimes when I'm missing him,

I realise I'm missing him, too.

And I say, hey, that's weird.

Now I have two people to miss.

Ugly

Oh hey, maybe I look kind of beuatiful today.

I mean, my skin isn't as bad as usual, and my hairs being good.

Though none of that matters, because it's not like anyone else thinks so.

So I'm probably completely wrong.

Remembering Dreams

I don't remember much. But I remember the way we fit together so perfectly and cleanly, in the purest of wholesome ways, we just fit together like puzzle peices and lay like that in each others arms while I tried so hard not to fall asleep or wake up.