I want to sit here and sulk and be miserable and complain about my life which is perfectly good and dull and crap. And I have nothing exciting anymore because he's all gone and he's come but it's not like that's exciting because I'm never going to anything about it again, and sure I'm better and whole now, but it's like I've healed too much and I'm not as sharp as before I'm too perfectly smooth with no texture left because it's all been covered up with scar tissue, and I'm underneath trying to get out, but I can't. I know now that it's not good to be too whole, that people shouldn't be spotless and clean, because we're not and I don't think we're supposed to be. And I want to be like that again this time, I really do I swear, but I don't know how no matter how hard I try, and I can't just sit here being horrible all the time because I'm not like this. I'm not like this. I'm not. I promise.