Don't get worried when I change the topic from him. I know it's unlike me, okay? I'm usually all gushy and mushy. It's just a bit hard to do this again, no matter how little. I'm not some damaged individual, I mean I know it was mostly my own fault. I just want you to understand that there's something really painful about it right now, and as brave as he said I was, I'm not when it comes to this. I'm only just starting to let myself feel again. I don't want to push it and go through everything that I'm trying to forget all over again. I'm tentatively starting to come back to life inside, and I don;t think I'm up to much activity right now.